Bullies

Unfortunately this is not about the cute adorable bulldog puppies. It’s about mean kids.

As parents we’ve all dealt with it and/or we are all going to have to deal with it. So how do we deal with it? Where does it start? I’ve tried to do a little research before writing this so I’ll post up some links for tips and ways to deal and teach kids to not be bullies.

There’s a lot of things I can’t remember from my childhood but I can almost always remember every time kids were turds. I had a core group of friends in high school that I stuck with because most of the other kids were all dicks. I wouldn’t exactly say I was very popular. I got in fights, got picked on, and in return picked on other kids.

I feel bad now about the kids I picked on because I’m an adult and realize the errors of my ways. Damn you hindsight! I think as kids you don’t really understand the full realm of consequences and actions. We tend to be more reckless in our words and actions and don’t fully comprehend that it will impact others for a very long time, sometimes for life.

So how do change what has been imbedded in our DNA for thousands of years though? That alpha-dominance of weaker creatures. We are a species of dominance. We feel the need to conquer. It’s tough to change what we’re naturally born with.

So this is where as parents we have to be the change. Whether you were the one putting other people down or on the receiving end of that. A friend of mine recently went to a community indoor play area with his daughter and she was on the receiving end of other kids being bullies and the parents just blew it off as “oh that’s just how kids are”. Ummmm, no it’s not. My little girl isn’t around other kids a ton but I’ve watched her when she interacts with others and she isn’t a big jerk for no reason. Kids like to test the waters to see what they can get away with and if we just let them do whatever they want they’re going to walk all over you and walk all over others. For some reason we’ve steered off the road of consequences for kids when they act horrible. I see it constantly. I’m all for talking to your kids and explaining to them what they did wrong but if there isn’t some sort of consequence for their bad behavior, what’s going to stop them from doing it again? The answer is nothing. Once that ball gets rolling it’s nearly unstoppable. So my advice… start dealing with it the moment you see it.

So let’s start with how to deal with your kids being bullied. From all I’ve read, you won’t know they’re being bullied unless they say something or its visible scars or bruises. Here’s a good link from kids health.org for some steps to take to help them deal with bullies and I agree with all of them.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html#

Now how do we stop our kids from being bullies? Well from all I’ve read, one of the main reasons is that kids aren’t getting enough attention at home. They get talked down to by their parents. They see violence at home or on TV and they think it’s ok. In my last post I talked about kids being sponges and that we need to make them little sponges for love. And it’s absolutely true. Kids CRAVE attention from their parents. They need that interaction from us. On kids health.org it also has tips for teaching our kids to not be bullies. If you see your child acting out against other kids, don’t brush it off as “kids being kids”. Put your phone, computer, tablet, or parent conversation on hold and walk to your child and explain why we don’t act like that and how hurtful it is to the other child. “The lessons of apology are really lessons about empathy — truly understanding that your words and actions have the power to insult and wound”- Lisa Belkin, NY Times. Please don’t just go tell you’re kids “Say you’re sorry” and walk off. That doesn’t teach them anything other than “If you say sorry after you do something bad you can continue to do bad things as long as you say sorry after”. This goes back to the consequences side of teaching your kids to not be bullies. I can’t tell you what exactly to do because that’s your call. Try timeout, take away a toy, no tv. It’s a trial by fire but I hope these links I posted help. If you have things that work or suggestions, please post them in the comments because this is for all of us to grow as parents. There’s not actual guide to parenting just tips and tricks from fellow parents.

Remember to take time out of your day to talk to your kids and find out what’s going on in their life and if they’re doing ok. Let them know how much you love them. Limit your mobile device times around your kids.

Love, kiss, hug, lead them into being a better little person not just at home but to others. We will change the world one child at a time and it starts with you.

Love, kiss, hug, lead.

My Apologies for the recent absences in my posts. Stay at home dad and weekend DJ duties keep me busy!

With my oldest graduating high school this year, I was thinking back on the time that I missed with him and missing the days of when he was little and just enjoyed hugs and kisses and being all mushy. They all grow up and they all get over it. Luckily I get a second chance with my two year old to really take in the advantage of having a little one to hug and kiss all the time.

I see it all the time when I’m out with other parents. The kids come up just wanting attention and some lovey time from their parents and their parents are busy taking on the phone or someone else and I hear them say “honey I’m busy, go back and play”. Honestly, all parents have been guilty of this at some point or another so I don’t want seem like I’m standing on a soapbox preaching. I’ve been guilty of this as well. I try to not do it though. I want her to bring me things and show me things and know that I love it when she comes to cuddle her daddy. I want to take in all of the daddy, daughter time I can before I’m just the jerk that won’t let her do anything or date anyone haha.

Some people are just afraid of affection and showing it because they feel like they’ll be viewed as soft. We need to steer away from this, especially as fathers. If you are a married father or even have someone that you’re exclusive with, make sure to take the time to show your affection to that person in front of your kids. How you act and the affection you show towards your wife, girlfriend, fiancé, husband or whatever your preference may be, is how your daughter will expect a man to treat her when she gets older or show your son how to be a man in a relationship. I didn’t exactly have this so I’m trying to start fresh and break the mold and take the lead.

We always talk about how kids are sponges for information and knowledge. So while we’re at it, lets make them little love sponges. Babies and kids learn hate and anger and how not to act from their parents. You’re going to get mad at them. You’re going to be super angry with them. That’s a solid fact but if for the majority of the time you can laugh with them. Love on them. Teach them why instead of why not, maybe we can bring some light into this world where there is so much darkness.

Dad’s,

Show that sensitive side. Especially in public. Show it to your kids. Show it to your significant other. Show it all the time. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. I’m finally seeing this and reaping the parenthood and marital benefits. I’m no expert on all this I’m just learning as I go (again). Learning from my past mistakes in parenting to do it right this time around. And if I can share some of what works for other people then maybe we can all benefit later on down the road.

Teach Love and remember to Kiss, Hug, Lead.

Friendship.

Where to begin on such a huge subject? My wife told me that I needed to write about something happy so I figured what better way than to write about the joys of friendship that relates to parenthood and marriage.
It always happens. You get married and you have “friends” that disappear. Even more so it seems when you have kids. There seems to be myth that when you have kids that you have a life sentence. No more going out. No fun. No hanging out with your friends. All gone! Of course most of your time is spent caring for your little ones, as it should be, but there is no reason to just fall off the face of the earth. Luckily this has been the exact opposite of my friends. They have become more loyal and have risen to the occasion of being a part of my daughter’s life.
My close group of friends is very large and extremely diverse. Which I think may be the best part. I think it’s great when you have friends that are all different shades of the human color spectrum but even more so as a parent. I think it’s a great way to show kids that there all different types of people in the world with different backgrounds.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about the generosity of the friends that I have. The high quality of people who are in my life that have huge giving hearts are second to none. Without going into specifics of the generosity let’s just say it ranges from a shot of good whiskey to a car. Humbled is just one of the ways I feel to have the friends I do. Sometimes in return all I can give is my deep appreciations do undying loyalty. I’d step in harm’s way for any one of my friends. My friends do so much for my family and we are forever indebted to them.
I could go on and on about how awesome they are but I don’t want to bore everyone else. I just wanted to make my voice heard in a public forum an express my gratitude for their kindness, generosity, and just general awesomeness.
So from my wife, baby and I with all our hearts,
Thank you.
We love you all!